I'm wearing many hats the next few weeks

Good morning everyone!!

This past week and a half has been crazy! I guess every time I write, that's what I say, but I always feel as if I don't have a chance to sit down and catch my breath. 

Laura and Andy left on Thursday to visit family and friends in the states till after Thanksgiving.... well really, they had to leave or Jamaica would throw them in jail, but I like to call it going home to visit :) 

Upon their departure, I became the replacement director till the 2 of them get back. 

I'm not only teaching 4 boys with very high special needs and much needed patience (which has been wearing thin), 

but I'm also managing 30 staff, 

making sure everything that needs to get done around the house is getting done,

all the while trying to give hugs, kisses, and love to 30 kids. 

I think I'm doing the job of what should be 15 or 20 people. It's become a very stressful job. While I'm teaching 2 different lessons to 4 boys, I have to deal with fixing the van, washing machine, and the boys urinal and make sure cooking and cleaning is getting done up at the house. 

I didn't give Laura and Andy, let alone Michelle, enough credit for what they do on a daily basis. If anything, these first few days, God has revealed to me that running a children's home is definitely not what He has in store for me. I know I'm supposed to be teaching. 

It's so hard to be this multi-tasker and make sure the kids get what they need. I'm praying I'm getting to every child every day to give them at least a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you”. 

Just an up-date on the children in the past 48 hours (which I am still trying to re-cover from):

One of the new babies, Dion, now 11 months, that we took about a month ago, left. I received a call at 6:30 Monday morning (don't worry, I had already been awake since 5 am... the boys wake up EARLY!) from Dion's dad saying he wanted to come and visit with Dion's mom. I was concerned from the get-go because Dion's mom wasn't in the picture when we picked him up from his dad AND Sunday night Dion's mom's NEW boyfriend came up to the house looking for her. I told Dion's dad he had to go to CDA (Child Development Agency) and get a letter from them saying he can visit his child (this is the procedure with any parent that wants to come and visit their child). The problem was: we didn't go through CDA to get the child, so CDA didn't know he had the child so Dion's dad still had all his rights to his child. When we took Dion, it was our understanding that his dad was going to get a job, start saving for a house and save money to care for Dion. Well, Tuesday morning showed he had obviously not gotten a job, Dion's mom was pregnant with another child with the man that came up to look for her Sunday night, and I found out they BOTH have mental problems. Since we didn't take Dion through CDA his mom and dad still had all their rights to Dion and we couldn't tell them to leave and for us to keep their baby, so I legally had to give the child back. Dion left with his mom and dad, and left me heartbroken for that child.

I laid down and cried and asked God why He would do this to this child who is just a baby and doesn't deserve anything that is going to happen to him in the coming years. But then I realized that all the children that live at our home have come from situations like this – some worse than others – but all have the same story, just a different book. None of the children deserve what have happened to them, and that's why they need more love, care, and attention than any of the other children I've come across. In all honesty, it's harder to keep showing and giving them more love. The longer I'm here I see the different things they do to get attention and the children start to push button's I never knew I had and after I have to discipline 30 other children I have less patience for the next child. It's hard to admit that, but it's true. After talking to Mrs. Beckford about Delroy leaving, she opened my eyes to this thought: it's not the kids fault. Not that I had ever thought that any child was at fault from what happened to them, but I feel as if I have been a lot harsher on them as if the children were taught right from wrong (they weren't). Mrs. Beckford explained to me no child deserved what happened to them and we can't hold them responsible for their past, we can only teach them how to treat the other children and how to act appropriately. I had never thought of this before (I'm not sure why....) but it helped me to think of why I was here differently. I feel when your on the mission field long term, you forget why you are where you are. It easy to do that, being caught up in the stress and everything go on around you. God used Mrs. Beckford to pull me back to reality and tell me (gently) why He wanted me here: to love on the children (even when tough situations arise, like Dion's). God is a good and merciful Father, He feels for His children here – I know He does, because I do and I'm sure His pain is much worse than mine. There will be a day where we will all be pain free and with our Father forever... but until then I will continue to do what He wants me do down here and hopefully use the gifts He's equipped me with to bring glory to His Name. 

Well, I better go.... I've got a full day of teaching, running a children's home, and giving kids love.

I'll post soon enough.

Love you and miss you all!